hung an imaginary jock on an imaginary peg in a very real 3x4 inch fracture in the slate chalk board. As nervous laughter ensued from the class, I wondered how the eye level fracture came to be in the slate. "Gentlemen, you have in your possession what you perceive to be an ordinary text book. You will come to reverence that book as 'Jones' Bible.' You will faithfully commit its' sacred text to memory. When I ask you to recite the tenants of your new found faith, you will not attempt to 'BS' me! Gentlemen, I suffer chronic rectum-eye-litis. Do you know what rectum-eye-litis is gentlemen? It is the inflammation of the nerve that runs from my rectum to the retina of my eyeball. This affliction predisposes me a very crappy outlook on life. "BS" inflames that nerve. Pray that you do not aggravate my delicate medical condition, gentlemen."

If you had not mastered an assignment before entering Coach Jones' classroom there was no way to prepare for what would follow. Coach would ask a question, then select who was to answer. With